Heavenly Ham

I just have to tell you all about a couple of things that happened over the last couple of weeks that really filled me with the Christmas spirit.

You know it has been crazy around here the entire month of December, so imagine my stress when my husband, on December 15th says, "don't forget to order hams for everyone at corporate."

Zeke's First Christmas

Written by: Dr. Robert Darnell, Elizabethtown, KY

Final Segment



So I stood there stinking and laughing at my canine friend as she tried to escape the skunk's retribution. She wallowed on her back; she put both paws on her nose and blew repeatedly, sending puffs of powdery snow and skunk smell all over the clearing.

I really got tickled and laughed so hard I slipped and fell slap down in the clearing with her. She climbed into my lap for some comfort and began licking my face. I gave her a stinking hug and clambered to my freezing feet. Somewhere in the melee, the skunk had made a strategic retreat and waddled off to recharge his devastating weaponry and, presumably, rejoin his nestlings.

"What in the world are you laughing at?" came my wife's voice through the woods.

"We've been skunked!" I called back laughing.

"Merry Christmas!" Constance replied in her beautiful contralto. "Now come up here and let me wash you off. You can't open your presents smelling like a skunk."

That year, I opened my presents smelling like a skunk wearing tomato juice and ivory soap and lots of cologne. It was Zeke's first Christmas and one of my fondest.



Skunk Odor Remover



1 quart 3% hydrogen peroxide

1/4 cup baking soda (sodium bicarbonate)

1 tsp liquid soap or dish detergent



Mix these together and bathe the spray victim thoroughly.

*Be sure to use this mixture immediately, it is unstable.

Rinse with tap water afterward, and repeat if necessary.

For spray in the eyes, flush with water as soon as possible.



Merry Christmas to all! And, to warm your tummies on Christmas morn, the following recipe for cinnamon rolls is the only recipe I use because the dough is made the night before. The rolls are tender, cinnamony, and just plain delicious. Originally the recipe called for a powdered sugar icing, but we prefer a cream cheese frosting.



Best Ever Cinnamon Rolls

Serves: 24

Ingredients:

2 packages active dry yeast

2-1/2 cups luke warm water (105-115 degrees)

1 tsp sugar

1 pkg (2-layer size) white cake mix

6 cups all-purpose flour

1 egg

1/3 cup cooking oil

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 cup butter, melted

1 cup sugar

4 tsp (heaping) ground cinnamon

1 cup (generous) dried fruit such as cranberries, blueberries, raisins, currants, chopped apricots, or a mixture of the above, optional

1 recipe cream cheese frosting (below)

Preparation:

1. Four dough, in a large mixing bowl, stir the yeast into 1/2 cup of the warm water; add the sugar. Let the mixture stand for about 5 minutes or until foamy.

2. Stir the cake mix, 1 cup flour, egg, cooking oil, salt , and remaining water into the yeast mixture. Beat with an electric mixer on high speed for 3 minutes, scraping sides of bowl constantly. Using a wooden spoon, stir in the remain flour to form a soft dough (dough will be sticky).

3. Cover and let rise in the refrigerator overnight.

4. Next morning, lightly grease two 13 x 9 x 2 baking pans. Set aside. Remove dough from refrigerator, punch down. Cover and let rise again until doubled (about 1 hour because dough is cold). Punch dough down again. Divide in half. Turn 1 part of the dough out onto a well-floured surface. Turn to coat lightly with flour. Roll the dough into a 12 x 8 rectangle. Brush with half of the melted butter.

5. For filling, in a small bowl, combine the 1 cup sugar, cinnamon, and dried fruit, if using. Sprinkle half of the filling over dough. Roll up, jelly-roll style, starting from one of the long sides. Pinch along edge to seal.

6. Cut crosswise into 12 pieces. Arrange, cut sides down, in a prepared pan. Repeat with the remaining dough, remaining butter, and remaining filling. Cover loosely; preheat oven to 350. Let dough rise in a warm place until nearly doubled (about 45 minutes).

7. Uncover pans. Place a baking sheet under each pan. Bake in preheated oven for 25-30 minutes or until lightly brown and rolls sound hollow when lightly tapped.

8. Invert onto serving plates. Using an offset spatula, smear cream cheese frosting over warm rolls. Serve warm. Delicious reheated the next day, if you actually have any left over.

Cream Cheese Frosting:

2 8 oz. pkgs regular cream cheese, room temperature

4 cups pwdered sugar

2 tsp vanilla

3 TB or more of milk, if necessary

Beat cream cheese in a medium bowl with an electric mix until loosened. Gradually mix in powdered sugar until fully incorporated. Mix in vanilla. If needed, stir in enough milk to make a fluffy frosting, be careful not to add too much milk which would make the frosting runny.

Zeke's First Christmas, Part 3

Leo shook him to stop the noise, but it only increased. By the time she reached the door, she had shaken him unconscious. We hurried into the night with me whispering, "Good doggie girl! Goooood Leo." She blinked her acceptance of my praise.
We walked together off the porch and into the snow-covered woods behind the house. It might have been pleasant if I had worn shoes and had we not been carrying a skunk. But the path through the leafless winter trees was glorious.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of midday to objects below;
I and my shorthair, a skunk in her mouth
Turned down the trail and headed due south.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a striped tail raised high and a skunk's puckered rear?
Yes, as you might have imagined, the skunk woke up in Leo's mouth. He found himself in the familiar surroundings of his woods and in grave danger. Like all of his long ancestry, he knew exactly what to do.
There was a sound. Yes, a little flatulent sound right before the full spray of the skunk's mighty defensive armada struck me squarely in the face. There was not so much an increase in the smell as a moist announcement that I had been marked as a fool. Why, every animal in the forest knows to stay away from skunks. And, every animal that ignores this primeval warning smelled like I did that lovely Christmas Eve in the moonlight, in the snow.
"Drop!" I croaked the command that signaled the pointer to release the game. The skunk belly-flopped into the snow and fired another volley straight up the sensitive nose of the finest German Shorthairs that ever walked the earth. Leo, whose nose was five zillion times more sensitive than mine, began snorting and sneezing wildly and rubbing her face in the snow. I had to laugh.

Zeke's First Christmas Part 2

Zeke's First Christmas
Written by: Dr. Robert Darnell
Part 2

Still, there was the skunk. The choir singing "Silent Night" on our stereo seemed to be holding their noses as they recounted the traditional events of that holy night.
Constance scooped up baby Zeke as she bolted to the bedroom and called over her shoulder, "Bob, get that skunk out of here."
Her words halted my escape.
I had already started to run behind her.
I stopped, looked at the skunk and imagined him saying, "Yeah, Bob, get me out of here."
The concept of removing a skunk from the house was clear. But viscerally I was frozen with the intrinsic dread of handling the stinking beast. I couldn't just reach down and pick him up. Nor could I kick him. A shovel? What would keep him from lifting his tail at me while I carried him?
The skunk and I had a big problem. We stared deeply into each others' eyes. Leo broke the silence with an exasperated whimper. She looked from me to the skunk with a fretful expression that begged, "What do we do now, Boss?"
Encountering a truly wild and unpredictable creature in the house had set us all on edge. The dog's thrill reminded me of how she behaved in the field when we hunted together. A fresh idea penetrated the stench, Leo will obey me.
As the skunk seemed to wobble, I ordered, "Leo, get the skunk!"
She ran to the skunk, picked him up without hesitation, brought him to me and dropped him at my feet like a good retriever. The skunk, still dazed, toddled under the Christmas tree. It must have seemed a familiar haven in an otherwise threatening circumstance.
"Whoa girl," I whispered as she snapped into a perfect bird dog point with her nose aimed at the prey under the tree. Then, "Fetch!"
As my German Shorthair sprang at the critter, I moved toward the door. She clamped her jaws around the skunk and trotted proudly toward me with her prize. "Good girl," I cooed, "bring him here."
The skunk chose that moment to cry out. I'd never heard a skunk voice before and was startled by the sound. It resembled a chortling baby. Was the creature laughing?


I hope you are enjoying this heartwarming story. I've read it several times and smile everytime I read it.

Your family will have their hearts and tummies warmed with the following recipe. It was given to me maybe by my sister several years ago. Originally, it was the Cracker Barrel Hashbrown Casserole recipe from one of those websites that figures out the signature recipes from favorite restaurants around the U.S.. But, it has evolved with a tweak here and there into my recipe. Sometimes I add a couple tablespoons minced chipotle with adobo to add a little heat, but really it is delicious on its' own.

Hash Brown Casserole
Serves: 8-10

Ingredients:
1 16 oz container sour cream (full fat, no light or fat free)
1 can cream of celery soup (low sodium, healthy choice, they all work)
1 stick butter (no margarine!yech)
1 cup chopped onions (can use green onions or chives)
1 bag shredded cheese (2 cups) (I use a cheddar/jack blend)
1 bag hash brown shreds, frozen do not thaw out (I use Ore Ida)
Preparation:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, mix together with a spatula or big spoon, the sour cream and celery soup. Put butter in a small bowl and melt in microwave (high for 1 to 1-1/2 minutes). Mix melted butter into the sour cream mixture. Stir in onions, and 1 cup of shredded cheese. Stir in frozen hash brown shreds (if they are thawed, you get a mashed potato-type of casserole).
Dump into a 13 x 9 x 2 glass casserole dish. Even out and smooth the top. Sprinkle remaining shredded cheese over the top. Cover with foil. Place in oven and bake for 45 minutes. Remove foil. Bake for an additional 15-20 minutes or until the cheese is melted and the casserole edges are bubbling.
This is good for breakfast with sausage and scrambled eggs.
Freezes well. I portion it out and freeze. Then, pop the microwaveable container in the microwave. Hit "reheat" and it comes out tasting as good as the day I baked it.

Zeke's First Christmas, Part One

Fellowship Hall

Food Tables

Back wall depicts church history. The center garland on the table was made from cuttings donated by church members.

I just wanted to share some pictures of the church project that I was working on over the past few weeks which kept me so busy I had no time to blog. I would get up around 5:30 am to work on pictures. Then around 8:00 am when my husband left for work, I would shower, go work on pictures some more. Then go to town to buy any supplies that I had run out of, or take CDs to Staples. Last week I prepped ingredients ahead of time and then spent Thursday and Friday assembling the components. Saturday my team met at the church around 10 am and worked until after 5 pm decorating. Sunday I was at the school across the street baking off the chafing dishes. I started at 6 am. All of this for the 10 am brunch which lasted an hour. It was all worth it. I would do it again in a heartbeat!

So, yesterday I told you that I was going to start posting a wonderful Christmas story.

Here is the first "chapter":

Zeke's First Christmas

Written by: Dr. Robert Darnell

Part One

You never expect a skunk under the Christmas tree. Skunks are creatures of the netherworld. They're nocturnal foragers who belong somewhere far away from hearth and home.

Even if you've never seen a skunk, you've smelt one. Smelling exposes a small space of actual brain tissue directly to the atmosphere via our sinuses. This may explain why the sense of smell is so closely linked with memory; since the stimulation goes directly into the brain matter. Ideally, skunks should only announce their presence by a swift whiff of their signature fragrance as we hurtle past them in our cars.

In all my memorable encounters with skunks (as a card-carrying redneck, I've had a few), the most remarkable took place in 1987, in my living room. He was a young, perhaps disobedient, skunk who had rejected the cozy hibernation of his nestlings to seek out a little winter adventure, or perhaps a chilled grub.

My wife, Constance, and I had been fiddling with the red metal Christmas tree holder to make sure it was properly braced to keep the Scotch pine from toppling if our toddler, Zeke, should happen to yank a branch. We barely noticed the clicking paws of our German Shorthaired Pointer on the tile as she trotted in through the propped open door behind us and dropped something. But soon, the smell reached us and we turned.

He stood reeling on the white tile of our dining room. He was not sleek and pretty like the idealized skunk portraits found in children's books. He was mussed. His hair was bristly and his bright white stripe was caked with dirt. The expression on the skunk's face resembled the dazed surprise I had seen on a football player regaining consciousness in the dazzling lights on the fifty-yard line.

Time slowed. Stink thickened thea ir and filled my eyes as if the odor was visible. The skunk had not sprayed in the house. Still, he and the Shorthair reeked from their earlier encounter.

The glittering Christmas decorations Constance had draped in our home seemed to wilt under the weight of the pungent air. Their sparkle dimmed with the oily aroma emanating from our pet and her reluctant companion.

My dog, Leo, was smiling. She had bravely knocked a skunk unconscious and carried it, with a soft mouth, into the room that had, until recently, smelled of apple cider and spice cake. She had dropped the varmint as close as possible to my left side, just as she had been trained. This is where a retriever is to "finish" coming to heel on the left side and giving up the game on command. Leop was energetically wagging her brown stump of a tail and looking away, as if modesty kept her from eyeing me too keenly since I hadn't said, "drop." It's hard to get too upset with a dog that is pleased with herself.

Part 2 tomorrow...

Big bras, bigger stories, and one giant Merry Christmas

Oh, I had the best time yesterday afternoon. I visited the ladies at the floral shop in town. I haven't been by in months and ended up staying 2 hours. I just love stopping by and chatting because it's like we all become teenagers again, lots of giggling and girl talk. Yesterday, we got started on big "chests", and bras for Seniors. Violette and Shirley's mom had to go to the Dr. yesterday morning. Mama is 91 years old. The girls told her she needed to be sure to wear a bra. She wanted a new one, so Shirley asked, what size? Mama replied, "doesn't matter". OK.
So, they thought about it and bought her a double D remembering that she was generously portioned in her day.
At the Dr's office, Mama needed to remove her top. Shirley was in the room with her and almost died when she saw that Mama had taken needle and thread and pleated the edges of the bra right in the armpit area. Can you imagine how bad that must have chafed poor Mama? But, we got a big laugh out of it. Of course, I had to tell a couple stories on Omi who hated to wear a bra when she got up in age, especially her prosthetic bra.
I didn't remember this story until now, so I'll share it with you first. My husband and Omi went on "dates" to restaurants, Wal-Mart, and the flea markets around Kissimmee, FL. They loved to play practical jokes on each other, and just generally try to get each others' goat. So, three years ago, Omi's last Christmas, we flew down to visit. Mom had made reservations at a very girly tearoom. David went along (we didn't know it was so girly). He looked like a bull in the china shop, literally.
Omi started teasing him. She made a reference to his "manliness", in German of course because she knew that only Mom and myself would understand. Later, I told David about the remark. He laughed and said that I had to help him get even. So, a few days later while Christmas shopping, we passed a lingerie outlet. David screeched to a halt, and said he was going to pay her back by getting something very lacy and racy in there. In we went. And out we came with a very small red lace thong teddy. I wrapped it up and put it under the tree.
When Omi opened it, she turned red, but she was quick. She held it up to her and sashayed over to David, "I'm going to put this on for you." Which, was not the reaction David or any of us was expecting. We all yelled "No" in unison.
So, when she saw that reaction, we all were targets. She told Mom she was going swimming in it. Me, she told that she was going shopping in it. David was going to see it on one of their "dates". She had the best time with that red teddy. After Christmas, Omi told me that Mom had gone through her room trying to find it to throw it away, I guess fearing that Omi would try to wear it out. But Omi and I knew that she just liked it and all the fun she had with it.
After she passed away, right before the next Christmas, Mom went through her room a final time. Mom told me she found the red teddy neatly folded in a box underneath Omi's nightstand. Moral of this story: Don't think that Seniors don't like to feel sexy!
Wow, this was not what I was intending on blogging about today, but I hope you enjoyed the story. So, tomorrow, and I don't usually blog on the weekends, I just have to share this other story with you. Our chiropractor, Dr. Robert Darnell, in Elizabethtown, KY sends out newsletters to his patients updating them on practice enhancements and so forth. This newsletter had a wonderful story of his son's first christmas; so heartwarming and funny that I called him and asked him if I could share it with you. He was happy to oblige. So, in the spirit of the old-fashioned serial stories, I will break up his story into segments and post them over the next few days. Merry Christmas to all!

I Hate that I Missed Tuesday and Wednesday

Finally, all the billing is done. I actually enjoy the process, don't misunderstand. It's just that there was soooo much to do. Plus, coming off a holiday weekend, the office staff was a bit looney.

My husband and I hiked last Saturday afternoon probably more exercise than either of us have had in ages. Unfortunately, my husband's feet are achingly sore still, and now we are terribly worried. He has MS and he is starting to panic because walking is like "trying to walk on pencils" is how he describes it. I'm panicking because I don't know what to do for him. I thought that he had bruised the bottoms of his feet because his hiking boots are old. But, after about 2 hours sleep last night, he told me this morning that it's the top of his feet that are the worst. I was hoping that maybe we were making too much of it, but, on the other hand, it is MS and it affects nerves, and maybe it is the problem. See how confusing it is.

My sister cheered me up last night with a recipe. And, she also cheered me with the news that I am getting "Nuts and Bolts" for Christmas! Since I know my Mom has not read this blog, I know I am safe in writing this...and if I am a goofball for assuming that Mom can't figure out the blog address thing, then it serves me right to get "yelled" at. Yelling from either my sis or my Mom is usually humorous with all of us laughing and goofing off. So, as you can see, I'm not too worried, unless...Mom really sends me nuts and bolts, oooops!

The church project is still going on. I am 4 days behind on my self-imposed schedule. The pictures were supposed to be done by Dec 1st. Didn't happen. So, I am still plugging away at that. I panicked last night at the church campaign dinner when the attendance was MUCH higher than anticipated (estimated 150 with 35 kids. actual: 188 with 50 kids) because it was a week night, and my brunch is on Sunday which means as many or more folks will attend. Exciting, but will there be enough food? Oh my, I'll keep you posted.

So, my sister's recipe is called Mayonnaise Muffins. I have not tried them yet, but I am making them tonight. She swears that they are delicious, moist, and she's not a mayo person at all.



Mayonnaise Muffins

Serves: 6

Ingredients:

1 cup milk

1 cup self rising flour

1 tsp sugar

1 heaping TB mayonnaise

Preparation:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Combine all ingredients just until moist. Spoon into a baking cup-lined muffin pan. Bake for 10-15 minutes or until the tops are golden brown and not jiggly. Serve hot.

Busy at Work

So sorry that I haven't stopped to blog today.
You see, I work at my husband's business and today is invoicing day. I've had the last 1-1/2 weeks off to work on a church project, but today he put his foot down. "That church project is taking forever, I need billing done!" Can't you just hear him?
So, let's face it, work is what pays the bills. How zen of me! To work is to pay for play. Oh, I did it again! I must be getting giddy with billing fever!
I have a recipe idea that I have been mulling over so when I finish with billing, I can get it together for you.